Thoughts From Behind The Tech Desk
Sitting behind the Tech Desk at Level One offered me a unique perspective, literally and figuratively. I was apprenticing the Level One Baptiste training and I'd mentioned I'd love to learn about what's involved in running the Tech Desk. I got the chance to shadow & then run it on Thursday morning.
That Thursday morning started with meditation and then the group self practice - to recreate Journey Into Power from Integration through Igniting.
Let me take you back to my first self practice of Level One in 2016. I was in the front row, far away from the Journey Into Power poster of the sequence and poses. I began my self practice, moving through the Sun A Salutations but when I began the Sun B sequence, my practice fell apart. I didn't know what poses (or how many of which) made up one complete Sun B. I faltered, and came to child's pose. I thought that everyone behind me must know that I don't know what I'm doing. We were asked to memorize Journey Into Power before arriving for Level One. I thought I had done that, I thought I knew it from so many years practicing at Breath and Body. I was wrong. I felt defeated, crushed by my inability to know what to do next. I began to cry, feeling like a failure, like a fraud, like everyone could clearly see that I didn't know what I was doing. Crying and feeling worthless, I began again with the Sun A Salutations, not know what else to do. When we broke for lunch, I sought out a more knowledgable yogi and asked him what are all the poses for a Sun Salutation B and what is the ending pose?
It seems like such a simple thing, not knowing what the collection of yoga poses are that are a Sun B, but I made it into much more than that. I made that not knowing into a sign on my back that said "This lady doesn't know what she's doing. She's a fraud." I couldn't shake the feeling that my not knowing had been witnessed and judged.
Fast forward to that Thursday morning behind the Tech Desk. I had the opportunity to watch and witness the self practice of 150+ yogis unfold, at their own pace, with their own breath linking each pose to the next. There was no way I could tell who was doing Journey Into Power correctly or out of order, even if I had tried. Some yogis would sync up with one another as they flowed from section to section, others moved to a rhythm all their own. It was a glorious sight to behold. I felt such a powerful love swelling up in my chest for all the beautiful humans in the room. A room full of yogis moving with their breath from pose to pose, with nobody watching, criticizing, or critiquing. It was only then that I could see how wrong I'd been to judge myself so harshly during my first self practice. There was no critic in this room, only yogis moving with their breath, doing the work, feeling the ground under their feet and the breath in their lungs. The only critic in the room was in my own mind, of my own invention.
Fully realizing this, seeing it with my own eyes allowed me to have a different appreciation for the Journey Into Power sequence and the yogis that were practicing it. Seeing them move from Sun A to Sun B and on through the flow was beauty in motion. Moving for the sake of joy, from memory, for memory, for life, for love, for freedom and growth. Moving just to move. Not moving to be right or beautiful or better or perfect. Moving for love. Love of the practice, love of yoga, love of being alive, the love of being in community, the love of a shared experience.
Do the work and you will have the power. It is as simple (and as difficult) as that.
